Yesterday I went to the Baby Show in London. I have been ‘live’ now for almost 5 months and gone through a whole gamut of emotions. Somehow I thought it would be a quicker than it has been and with the economy being so difficult, if there ever was an ‘opportune’ time to adopt, it would be now, yesterday, a few months ago. But this process isn’t about when I would like it to happen, its about a Birth mother making an impossibly difficult decision and God blessing it. Nowhere in that equation am I factored in and that is the way it should be.
I am though human and have a deep longing to be a mother. Plus, I want to be prepared when the time comes, which is why I went to the Baby Show. I have to admit, there were moments I found it hard – like when a woman really pushed to sell me a 3D ultrasound. I don’t want to feel compelled or even slightly forced to share my private life with strangers, but its hard explaining why you are at a Baby Show and not giving birth. I am not too sure what to do with my breast pads kindly forced into my hands either … guess I could use them as cotton wipes? Seriously though, I enjoyed the whole experience. I have lots of freebees to try out and details on various baby clubs post-adoption. The best part was the classes. The First Aid course was intimate and I was taught how to recognize meningitis, manage if he/she is choking and all about mouth to mouth resuscitation using a toy baby. There was a class about the various stages of babies and why colic isn’t really a digestive disorder and how to give a baby a massage (something I really look forward to doing). I even had a one-on-one session with a midwife who gave me all kinds of advice about how to manage and what types of services the NHS offers when we get back to the UK.
I did really enjoy the day. One thing though did kind of throw me. While I felt it difficult trying to deal with everyone assuming I was giving birth to a child, I had no desire to do so even when being together with so many pregnant people. Yet again I ask myself why I really have never felt hugely broody. Adoption has always been the path I excepted and wanted to go down. Even when I was in a relationship?
Its all very strange in a way, but it underlines that I truly believe that I should be adopting AND that it will happen. There have been moments in the past few months where I wondered if the delay was God telling me maybe I was going down the wrong route. Yesterday though gave me assurance that I wasn’t.
